Sudden Death-cision

“Life doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger” is an apt phrase describing those who just graduated from college or who still snorkeling in a sea of jobs.

I’m the latter.

As of this month, 18th of May to be exact, marks my 1st year of diving down the job sea.

A year ago I was this puny, experienceless, trouble-making little chicken. Cannot figure out what should I do, what’s not to do, what’s this, what’s that.

I couldn’t define what I’d like to do for years to come. My dream of becoming an academician and a diplomat slowly died, hushing itself knowing that it couldn’t be realized for the next 5 years.

So I started fresh. Like the fresh graduate I was.

That wasn’t the first time I reverse the steer, it happened twice. Once when I was in high school, I was in the natural science department, planning to be some sort of Tony Stark when I grow up. But life gave me a surprise! Boo-yah! No you’re not going to.

I then took International Relations as my major. Again, starting fresh. But I survived for 4 years, even excel at it.

Now, the history repeated itself. I’m now entering domain of business, leaving all memories of International Relations behind. I got accepted to work at a newly founded consultant company, which I am grateful for. Inside the company are a bunch of highly experienced person with me being the youngest and the most inexperienced. But remember what they say: “When you’re the smartest in the room, you’re in the wrong room“. Turns out I’m on the right one.

But things work unlike what I perceived, maybe I was in the zone of comfort, being delusional about getting out of comfort zone while subconsciously sleeping on it. It’s crazy, all these real-life thing becomes really real. Every decision I make decides which ladder or stone I will step on. One small mistake could cost me a life.

Small things are now affect the way I live significantly. At the moment, I’m crazy about playing a game called Monster Hunter. 4 hours spent playing on it, at the very least amount. On Saturdays and Sundays, I could reap a whopping hours just to focus myself killing a fictional spearheaded wyverns with face looked like that of a hobo. But then a piece of me would yell at my inner self for letting myself wasting a lot of time.

I kinda hate the position I’m in, though I’m grateful for it.

This writing was intended for a rant with title, but yeah.



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